


continuing when i want to die

by mutents



Series: look upon this fine collection [4]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Misgendering, Nonbinary Character, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2017-11-29
Packaged: 2019-02-08 09:19:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12861495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mutents/pseuds/mutents
Summary: Jehan hated this place.There was nothing to do; all of their time was spent either in group or in bed. Jehan hadn't bothered to go to group in several days - all the psychiatrists ever talked about was self-esteem. If self-esteem was so easy for Jehan to keep up, they wouldn't have been here.





	continuing when i want to die

Jehan hated this place.

There was nothing to do; all of their time was spent either in group or in bed. Jehan hadn't bothered to go to group in several days - all the psychiatrists ever talked about was self-esteem. If self-esteem was so easy for Jehan to keep up, they wouldn't have been here.

They'd also spent five days being misgendered by every one around them. Jehan's roommate had spent nearly ten minutes glaring at Jehan the first night, a look of pure hatred on his face. So far only one of the nurses had agreed to call Jehan by the correct gender, and they'd only seen her once on a night shift. Even the doctors were saying it wrong.

But, Jehan had been waiting for this day; it was the day that Montparnasse was visiting. Jehan had had to put them down as their brother, but it was worth it to get the chance to see their partner.

Jehan was sitting in the kitchen area, waiting impatiently for Montparnasse to arrive. Flicking their eyes to the small window, Jehan bit their lip as they saw the familiar mop of bottle black hair. Jehan had chewed a hole in their lip days earlier, and it took every piece of Jehan to stay sitting.

"Jean, your visitor is here," one of the older nurses said; she was a cruel old broad, and those were words they didn't use often. "You and him have thirty minutes together, alright?"

"If I've told you once,  _woman_ ," Montparnasse hissed, rolling their eyes. "It's  _them_."

The old woman didn't say anything, simply rolling her eyes and shutting the door behind Montparnasse. Not that the two had any privacy; there was a large plate glass window between them and the hallway where the old broad was making her rounds.

"'parnasse," Jehan said, their voice breaking on their partner's name, pushing themselves to their feet and throwing their arms open. Montparnasse quickly closed the gap between them, aided by the sky-high heels that clung to their feet.

"God, Jehan..." Montparnasse whispered, pressing their lips to Jehan's ear. "You terrified me when you called..."

"I'm sorry, love," Jehan murmured, sinking into one of the chairs and holding Montparnasse's hands tightly. "I just... I needed the help."

Montparnasse nodded, cupping Jehan's cheek. "You don't have to explain it, babe. Just tell me, is the place helping?"

Jehan bit their lip again, pulling themselves back against Montparnasse with tears in their eyes. "No," they whispered, not wanting to say it too loud for fear that one of the nurses would hear. "No, it's not helping!"

"Have they told you when you could leave?" Montparnasse asked, running their fingers through Jehan's greasy hair, worried that their partner hadn't been taking care of themselves.

Jehan shook their head. "No; all they've told me is that I still need a few days."

"Call me anytime," Montparnasse said. "I've told Ép to take some solo jobs, she'll spit the profit with me 70/30. I'll be sitting by the phone constantly, waiting for you to tell me I can come pick you up."

Jehan nodded, dashing the tears away from their cheeks. "Éponine is going to be pissed that she has to do all this work," Jehan murmured.

"The bitch will have to suck it up," Montparnasse replied, squeezing Jehan's hands. Montparnassse's nails were chipped, but Jehan remembered lying next to them on the mattress in Montparnasse's apartment. They were still galaxies, though the sides of them showed clear nail.

Jehan flicked their eyes up, watching as the nurse walked in front of the window, giving them a boiling glare. Jehan had a feeling that she had realized they weren't brothers, but they also couldn't find it in their heart to give a damn.

"How have you been passing the time?" Montparnasse asked, flipping Jehan's hands over and drawing nonsense patterns on their palm.

Jehan chuckled, shivering at the sensation of nail against skin. "Sleeping mostly. There's really nothing else to do. There's a couple of beat up old paperbacks, but all of the scandalous parts have been crossed out. I've taken to adding my own erotic stanza's to Robert Frost's  _"Putting in the Seed"_ out of spite. For some reason I just struggle to imagine that he was talking about his passionate lover thrusting into him, but needless to say it's certainly what I've taken to writing about."

Montparnasse scoffed, rolling their eyes. "You're incorrigible."

"And you've been practicing your vocabulary words," Jehan said, booping their knuckles against Montparnasse's nose.

"As much as I may have bitched about the calendar at first, I have to admit that it's grown on me." Montparnasse looked at Jehan, catching their eyes in a heated gaze. "You've grown on me."

Jehan laced their fingers together, giving them a squeeze. "You've grown on me as well, you old sap."

**Author's Note:**

> Take a wild stab in the dark as to who was hospitalized for suicide ideation a while ago.
> 
> Needless to say, slightly based on my own experience. But a lot sappier.


End file.
